Author Topic: Jokes to offend everyone  (Read 267 times)

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Offline Mircea Constantinescu

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Jokes to offend everyone
« on: Friday 11 March 2011, 16:29:20 »
 What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan


What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.


What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag


Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.


What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts


Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.


What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.


What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.


What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

10 years and 45 lbs


What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes


What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife


Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.


Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.


What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.


Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.


What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.


What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"


Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you!


Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

Everyone has the same DNA.


Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.


Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?

They named him "Sum Ting Wong"


What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.


What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".


How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!


What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ." -

A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t.....


Don't forget to pay your taxes......12 million illegal aliens are depending on you!


Offline libra

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Re: Jokes to offend everyone
« Reply #1 on: Sunday 20 March 2011, 16:00:52 »
O blonda povesteste:

Am fost dupa-amiaza la restaurant si dintr-odata am realizat cu disperare nevoia de a elimina niste gaze.
Muzica era foarte tare, asa ca am potrivit gazele cu ritmul muzicii.
Dupa cateva melodii am inceput sa ma simt mai bine. Mi-am terminat cafeaua si am observat ca toata lumea se uita la mine...
Apoi mi-am amintit brusc, ca ascultam muzica la iPod......

Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better - Albert Camus

Offline libra

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Re: Jokes to offend everyone
« Reply #2 on: Sunday 20 March 2011, 16:23:41 »
Mother in law rings the door bell at her daughters place.

Son in law opens the door: "Hello, nice surprise!!!!!"

Mother in law: "How are you? Listen, can I stay here a couple of days?"

Son in law: "Sure, if you need something ring the bell..."



Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better - Albert Camus


Offline libra

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Re: Jokes to offend everyone
« Reply #3 on: Sunday 20 March 2011, 16:46:19 »
Primit pe email:

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
 The woman freed the frog, and the frog said "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
 Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman said, "That's okay."
 
 For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
 The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world ...... ".
 The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
 So, ................ Now she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
 
 For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
 The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. "
 The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
 So ................. - she's the richest woman in the world! now
 
 The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a mild heart attack."
 
 Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
 
 
 Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good
 
 
 Male readers: Please scroll down.
 
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 The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife!!!
 
 Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .
 
 Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
 
 
 PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
 
 TAKE IT EEEEZY ..... It is a JOKE
 
« Last Edit: Sunday 20 March 2011, 16:46:41 by libra »
Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better - Albert Camus